in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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