Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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