Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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