he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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