where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
