If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
