are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
