Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
