I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
