Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
