Screwed.edu
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
It's official drugs can't kill me
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
