i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
