i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
