you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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