I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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