At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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