I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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