you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
