He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize