Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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