had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Randomize
