It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize