So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
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