Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
