Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
