i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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