i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
