we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
