I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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