I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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