I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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