Jerry, you need to find god
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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