Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
