OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
