We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
