the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
