I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
All the doctor said was why
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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