I haven't been this sober since birth.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
