it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
