thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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