is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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