A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
