I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
