Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
