how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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