did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
