what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
