I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
