oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Randomize
