if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I think I won the penis lottery.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
