Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize