First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
