before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
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