First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
