you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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