Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
