I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
