Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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