apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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