Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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