i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
