you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
