I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
