I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
