I have demons in me.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
