that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Randomize
