You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Randomize
