he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
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