At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
did i just pee glitter
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
