I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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