i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
