Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
