He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Vodka?
Forever.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize