I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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