My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize
