I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
