i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
