Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I want to fling myself into the sun
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
