Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
