I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
