It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
