i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
