I need to stop coming to work sober
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
