"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
