I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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