Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
