By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
