A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
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