well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
