No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
