But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
