I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize