My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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