when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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