Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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