Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
